I noticed the first post yesterday. My younger sister, Oya Queen (I call her Drewbella mostly), posted Me too as a way of women letting people know that they have been raped or sexually assaulted in some form or fashion. My sister is a rape advocate who often speaks out on these subjects…I admire her strength and bravery. When I told her about one of my college experiences she insisted it was rape, I refused to believe her, because I didn’t want to believe I had ever been raped. I would often tell my self “I gave in, I liked him, it was okay” but the thing is the situation was not okay. I was blackout drunk I think…I had not had my black drunk limit yet, he was not drunk I found out later. I had said no all night because at the time my rule was that I only slept with men I was in a relationship.
So imagine my horror when I woke up, naked, and found out he did not use a condom. I was mortified and cried all the way home as men made fun of me for my “walk of shame.” Because of this experience, I started acting out sexually. Randomly hooking up, getting wasted, and not giving a fuck. Not saying there is anything wrong with that, but these are things I actually never wanted to do but did out of fear, sadness, and a case of the f*** its. This caused my sororities sisters to start slut shaming and judging me…though they honestly shouldn’t have done so in the first place because 1. who I slept with was known
1. who I slept with was none of their business.
2. That is extremely anti-women empowerment
3. I kept the girl code strong. Did not touch anyone any of them liked or their significant others.
I have also been assaulted by significant others, which is something I never reported because I knew the kind of shit I would get for telling law enforcement that my boyfriend assaulted me. F*** 12. F*** the system.
I don’t want to rehash my story though. Instead, I want to say how shocked, even though I shouldn’t be, I still am by how many “Me too” posts I saw in my news feed this morning, and not only did I see them from women I also saw them from men. Because YES men also get sexually assaulted.
What I want people to know from my experiences with assault and or rape is that it is NEVER your fault. What you wear, how you talk, how you look, even if you said yes and changed your mind, does not give anyone permission to force themselves on you. I know we all hear this all of the time, but take it from someone who completely blamed themselves.
If you have been sexually assaulted you are obviously and sadly not alone. Please reach out to a friend or family member and begin to move passed what some power hungry sick psycho did to your beautiful temple.