There are many blog posts out there focusing on how to love someone with mental health issues but seldom do we find posts embodying how you, as someone with mental health issues ask for love & receive it. How are you asking for love?
I have learned that being clear on what I want to ask, patient about what I want to receive, and forgiving when my expectations are not met… has helped. This is still a work in progress and will talk about how to deal with guilt from treating your loved ones poorly in later posts.
Be Clear on What You Want to Ask for Your Mental Health and Your Partner’s Sanity as Well.
It’s important to be clear on your ask and what your needs are. With different mental
If you are in need of more physical touch find a way to convey this to your partner, it can be something as simple as stating “Hey, I need more hugs” or something as complex as “I would like to talk about what my needs are, I need to feel your skin on my skin once in a while.”
If you are unclear on what your specific needs are, I recommend finding out what your love language is. The Five Love Languages quiz and guidance is an excellent way to figure out how you and your partner communicate.
Be Patient on What you Want to Receive aka the hard part.
Patience is a virtue and sometimes being virtuous is a b****. Nothing comes easily, quickly, etc and I can write that with ease, but it’s much harder to act on. It takes 66 days to form a habit,
After clarity on the ask, and after you ask, there will be a period of waiting for that ask to flourish into a deeper and more meaningful relationship or prove that this is not the right relationship for you. Be patient, but also receptive and intuitive. If you have a mental health issue, such as BPD or Bi-Polar, the patience you exert might be unbearable at times. If you stumble and grow restless forgive yourself. Your intuition and ability to forgive your self are essential.
Forgive Your Loved One.
So you were clear, you were patient, and we touched on being forgiving of your self. Now, we will talk about forgiving your loved one. Even after 66 days and the habit is formed they are still human. They will still stumble.
If you can forgive yourself you can learn to forgive others as well. Let’s say you asked for more quality time, meaning no cell phones or other distractions. You and your partner come home after busy days at each of your jobs, and they immediately jump on their phone. What you could do what I usually do, scold them – or – you could do what I am working on doing, repeat the steps above. You owe that sense of calm to yourself.
Being transparent, patient, and forgiving is not simple. I string the words together with ease; much more ease than I have to practice what I write. But habits take 66 days to form and a lifetime to practice.