Depression is a debilitating, irritating, heartbreaking emotional roller coaster, especially when you add in other mental deficiencies. Part of it feels like being in a room with several people, and you are on stage performing your heart out, and at the end, no one even noticed you were there, no one listened. It also feels like you are in a room alone and there are people on the other side of the door begging you to open it and let them in, but the place is soundproof…so you can’t hear them saying they love you.
I will write about depression in the black community, on another platform coming soon, but I also want to acknowledge that the lack of people of color in the mental health world is so scarce. I think part of my hope broke after the last therapist, who was latina, turned me away. She had too many clients already. In my utter hopelessness and extreme need and want to just give up I want to speak to those who don’t have depression, or any mental deficiency, they are the people in my life who have made it just a little harder for me to feel like I should exist at this time where all I want is acceptance and not feel alone. I have compiled a list of things you have probably said and will probably say to your loved one:
“Please go see a therapist.”
While yes it is essential for your loved one to see a therapist, you do not know or understand how hard it is to find the right therapist. The therapist that I had last told me I needed to get over my ex’s cheating and just forgive him when the best thing for both him and me was to cut ties. Therapists are human, just like all of us. They don’t always get it right and thinking that your loved one seeing one is going to take away all the issues in your life magically, so you do not have to carry them is a burden, is a very stupid thought. Another point is therapist are so hard to find, especially in communities of color, because there is a universal need for them. I would preferably rather not see a male therapist or a white therapist. I want to see a woman of color, and that is hard to find. Everyone has their own preference.
Reminding that person over and over again that they need help is also depressing. We all could benefit from seeing a therapist so why assume your loved one is the only one? Therapist shaming is a thing
“We’ve been fighting for x amount of hours and days.”
Okay, do people think those with mental deficiencies don’t also have this magical sense of time? Continuously bringing up the number of arguments or the length of discussions is shaming. Especially, when it is stated in a way that insinuates you are not at fault and do not have a single flaw. This sort of thing can make people suffering from depression feel worse because they are in a different and self-loathing state of mind, they might just feel like they should give up on expressing altogether. After all, it is their fault.
It is depressing, ahaha you can use this word for describing sadness in all forms, that I am not adding more examples to this post. Reason being is I am suffering badly from extreme depression at this time, writing from my bed on a lovely day like today. Feeling hopeless, worthless, and of course, depressed, but I needed to write this. I am so tired of people shaming those of us who feel this way… It is so hard to wake up every day and even when things are going write you still feel like something is very wrong, and you only blame yourself. People without depression..it seems you won’t understand. I also really don’t have any hope in your empathy and ability to understand, but maybe I am biased.
Some solidarity,
Brettina.
