Petty Culture and How to Curve the Urge
“Petty” I said out loud with my head looking down and a laugh escaping me.
A phrase I was so used to saying by now, but why?
An action following the phrase and the dumbest thing I ever did was make a post saying, “When people ask how you can be so petty” with a video attached of me smiling.
Petty culture seems to have run rampant in place of kindness and good will toward your fellow human. I remember when the term had a negative connotation attached. Now it’s a game. Who can be the most petty and waste the most time, reference to #wastemytime2017.
When you are petty toward someone in the end both parties gain nothing. Anything done in spite can be solved with simple communication.
How I Curve the Urge
Over the years, I have had met a lot of men who did horrible things. From emotional to physical to sexual abuse. And sadly, enough I have met my share of women who projected their own self-loathing on to me in passive aggressive spiteful manner. I learned to guard myself by out spiting them and out petting them. You hurt me, even the slightest slight, and I guaranteed I’d hurt you worse. After a while I even stopped communicating my pain and would just go straight into being petty, later blowing up in a storm of emotion and blatant anger.
Rome wasn’t built in a day, I still have to catch myself and I still make mistakes, but here are some things that help me stay level headed.
Step Back
Before you can do anything wild and impulsive take several seats.
Evaluate
Evaluate your feelings first. Why exactly do you feel hurt? Is your pain a learned behavior? Are you comparing this person to someone from your past who said the same thing or did the same action? Did the person actually do it out of spite or is it just that you might be looking at the situation from your own mind only? Sometimes we perceive a situation in a certain way and the other person involved might not even know their action actually hurt.
Call Several Close and Trusted Friends or Family
My friends/family probably HATE me low key for this one, but the reason I call them or text them is because they know me better than anyone ever could and I trust them with my whole heart. I make sure to call different types of friends: The “side with me” friend, the neutral friend, the joker friend, etc. It’s good to get different perspectives on the situation.
Communicate with the Pettier/Spiter
Go directly to the source. It’s best to be upfront in a cool, calm, and collected way once you’ve done whatever you need to do to calm yourself. Communication is key and if you feel something you should share it. Today my friend Emmy said to me “Life’s too short to hold back what you feel.” And she’s right. Life is much shorter than we can ever assume it to be. Why not just ask? At least you give yourself some much-needed peace of mind.
This year is petty culture, maybe next year we might have something even more negative on the scene. I’m finding that my life feels more peaceful when I’m just kind to others and I am starting to see good things coming my way as well. Don’t let petty/spite consume you, it wastes everyone’s time 2017
Solidarity and Love,
