I stared directly at my fourth-grade teacher so intently that it made me uncomfortable, but no matter how hard I tried, the next thing I would hear was an angry yell “Get your head out of the clouds, girl” and my mind would focus back in on a classroom snickering and realize I had been called on, again. What I would feel was more than embarrassment; it was sheer and utter defeat. No matter how hard I tried, I could not keep my mind there in real life.
I spent another 17 years of my life drifting in and out of focus, feeling stuck, playing video games for over 10 hours without eating or using the restroom (my bladder still hates me), and crying when I was bored. I spent all that time, and nobody thought anything of it. The most I was diagnosed with was an anxiety disorder.
College was the first time the practitioners thought that there might be more to my inability to ever remember when my classes started and I was put on a very low dosage of Ritalin. I remember, after a while, realizing that the thought loop of distress I carried on my walks to class had dissipated, and I was finally able to take notes.
At some point, maybe because of my disdain for medication or perhaps because once they had run out, I forgot to refill them, I stopped taking the Ritalin and went right back to the same old b*** s***. College soon ended, and I entered the wolf den, the workforce where there is no place for being neurodivergent. With no tools or real answers on how to deal with ADHD, I’ve been job-hopping and dealing with imposter syndrome ever since. I found an office to rediagnosis me in 2022, but it is damn near impossible to get anyone to prescribe me meds or at least get me the tools I need to succeed with ADHD.
I wrote this blog post to paint a picture for you, to let you know just how hard it is for people with ADHD to find a diagnosis, have the right treatment, and find the right coping skills. I hope one day it’s easier to find treatment, whether that’s medication, holistic practices, or coping skills.
With Love,
TheBrettina
